Comments on: Unmoored

By: jmsytsma

jmsytsma — Thu, 07 May 2009 22:30:39 +0000

I got to know: What the heck is “rat-holing”? I hope it is as dirty as my imagination suggests it might be!

By: Jake

Jake — Tue, 05 May 2009 19:11:27 +0000

This (already painfully tortured) literary analogy needed some grounding in biology; thanks, Rachel. I only wish my brain let me be satisfied to have my story unfold without intention or perceptible direction. Instead, it taunts me with the twin realizations that I am capable of choosing and afraid of diverting from a well-worn course.

2009 may not be the best economic climate to launch an arts venture if you want to pay the bills. But if paying the bills were a worthy end in itself, I wouldn’t be in this quandry. Exciting and possible—you have my number, Kirk.

I hear you, 2B. Not saying the examination isn’t worthwhile or that the malaise isn’t real. But my point is that, if I had fewer choices in life, I reckon I’d spend less time second-guessing the ones I’ve made (intentionally or by default). My grandfather didn’t bother himself about whether it was his true purpose in life to fix gas pumps. He was too busy fixing gas pumps.

By: 2b+3s

2b+3s — Tue, 05 May 2009 18:49:23 +0000

@ Jake: Hardship is relative. Who knows — the millionaire struggling to become a billionaire may have more genuine internal pain and suffering than the single mom working two jobs just to feed her kids. We judge the latter to be more worthy of empathy than the former, but that doesn’t mean her suffering is real and his is imagined. My point is that explaining away our “malaise” as merely a privileged byproduct of our (relatively) leisurely lives is facile. We need to look deeper to find the source.

By: Kirk

Kirk — Tue, 05 May 2009 17:17:47 +0000

How about you and I work towards starting a talent management company for Chinese and Latin American artists and musicians who want to gain exposure in the U.S. I dunno, it was the first idea I’ve had in a long time the narrative of which seems both exciting and possible. Too bad I don’t know anything about art or music (not to mention writing about it)!

Let’s talk!

By: Rachel

Rachel — Tue, 05 May 2009 16:00:30 +0000

Hey, Jake,
I am late to the commentary here, but I have to join in anyway, because your malaise is very familiar to me. It’s so difficult to be a person that relies on a narrative. It means being compelled forward by a story that can only be imposed upon the messy chaos of life retrospectively. It’s a perfect paradox.

It’s like the process of evolution in that way: There are a few absolute laws that operate, but the actual real-time change occurs without direction and without purpose. Nonetheless, as long as people have thought that organisms are subject to change, they have tried to impose some sort of narrative–usually of one of progress–on the history of life and the process by which biological change happens. We are totally addicted to these narratives, especially if we think we can write ourselves in as the protagonists or, in this case, as the purported pinnacle of evolution.

It can only be worse for individual organisms like us, since we have a well defined biological ontogeny. It’s almost impossible not to think that we are (or should be) developing progressively throughout our lives in every way, just as our bodies have developed progressively.

Anyway, that went all biological in a way that I didn’t intend at first. The best part about our human brains is how good we are at revising the narrative over and over again to make sense of things and also to choose a new direction. That’s a big advantage over evolutionary history and biological ontogeny–those cannot be rewritten, but our own intellectual/emotional narratives can. Which you know, since you are already in the process of doing it

Looking forward to seeing you guys next week!
Rachel

By: Jake

Jake — Mon, 04 May 2009 20:55:29 +0000

And you know, it’s really a privilege, this malaise. It may be a natural byproduct of “self-awareness.” But I fear it’s also due to an utter lack of real hardship. If I was ever really in NEED of something, it would be a lot easier to WANT something.

By: 2b+3s

2b+3s — Mon, 04 May 2009 20:29:13 +0000

I empathize, too. Getting fed up, determining to do what I want inevitably entails figuring out what I want to do, which typically leads to an exhausting and fruitless search for meaning in the work I do for a living, etc., and the frightening solution of chucking it all and starting over. So more often than not I wind up doing something other than what I want to do and chalking any unhappiness that may result up to my innate lack of motive. I don’t feel this problem makes me clinically unique – in fact, it’s all but ubiquitous among my more self-aware friends. Sometimes I think the solution is to short-circuit the whole process by acting before thinking about the consequences. But that practice usually leads to another set of problems that are even worse than hypocrisy and malaise.

By: Jake

Jake — Mon, 04 May 2009 16:42:17 +0000

Thanks, Lax. I am determined to commandeer a Hummer and squeeze in a Ballard visit one of these trips. You guys have a McCormick & Schmicks nearby, right?

By: Lax Rear Slit

Lax Rear Slit — Sat, 02 May 2009 05:33:47 +0000

If you come out to Seattle one more time without telling me, there will be HELL to pay.

Yes, I read your blog. I know your secrets. Suck it.

Okay, now that that’s out of my system…thanks for the honest post. I think you’re right – - – you need to choose something YOU WANT. Easier said than done, but it’s a start. I couldn’t even begin to offer advice about how one goes about doing this, as I struggle with the same thing, but I can at least commiserate.

Your old pal,
Trax